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5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Marry Him

Dr. Vondie's Dating & Relationship Tips, Should I Marry Him?Choosing a life-partner is a big deal. So, it’s normal to have some “nerves” as you get ready for the big day. But, when “nerves” turn into doubts, what does that mean? And what can you do about it?

UCLA released a study this month, “Should I Marry Him?” that “demonstrates that pre-wedding uncertainty, especially among women, predicts higher divorce rates and less marital satisfaction years later.”

They found that the men in the study had doubts too. But, their doubts didn’t indicate as much of a problem. Men are less commitment-oriented than women, so maybe a little cold feet for them is normal.

But, women who had uncertainty about getting married had higher levels of divorce. And couples where both husband and wife had pre-wedding uncertainty had the highest divorce rates of all.

So, what’s the moral of the story? If you have doubts about getting married, pay attention. And this especially applies to women.

So, how do you know if he is the one?

5 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Marry Him:

  1. Do you have shared or compatible values? Values can include: religion, culture, how you spend money, etc. Your values don’t have to be identical. But, it works better if you’re not too far apart (ie. you’re eco-friendly and all about “sustainable living” and he doesn’t believe in global warming).
  2. Do you have a shared vision of the life you want to build together? It’s important to know if you share life goals – like having a family, a career, owning a home; and how you’ll balance all those things together. You’ll continue to have discussions about these issues throughout your marriage. But, the more you talk about them before you get married, the better.
  3. Are you good friends? Besides loving each other, it’s important to really trust, respect, and like each other.
  4. When you disagree, can you find a way so you both get what you need? It’s important to be able to deal with conflict so both of you win, instead of a winner-take-all strategy.
  5. Do you still have romance and passion? The beginning of a relationship is mostly chemistry and infatuation. But, once the infatuation wears off, do you still share romance and passion?

No relationships’s perfect. And nobody wants to end up a statistic. But, if you have shared values, a shared vision of your life together, you’re good friends, you can work out your differences, and you have romance and passion you’ve definitely stacked the odds in your favor.

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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