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Blind Dating: Why a Fix-Up Could be Exactly What You Need

Just the thought of a blind date makes you squirm, I know.  But, if you think about it, most of your online dates are blind dates.  Except you haven’t had someone vet them for you.  And that’s the best part about blind-dating.  Someone else is pre-screening your dates for you.  That’s why a blind date could actually be a great way to meet someone new.

Let Someone Else Pick for You
One of the benefits of a blind date, is that someone else is doing the picking.  If you tend to attract the same type of guy (or girl) over and over and it never works out, it can help to have someone else pick for you.  This overrides your basic chemistry, which means you might meet people you would overlook otherwise.

That doesn’t mean you won’t have passion, it just may take some time to develop.  But, you might have a better chance at a good relationship with someone you’re not initially attracted to.  Because, chemistry just means they’re a perfect fit for all the hard-wiring in your brain from you family-of-origin relationships (Lewis, Annin & Lannon, 2000).

All Matchmakers are Not Created Equal
But, all blind dates are not created equal.  Because all matchmakers are not the same.  You want to be set-up by someone who really knows you and who has a good relationship of their own.  Because, if they know you (and love you :)) and have a relationship you admire… well that’s the kind of person you want to enlist!  (If they don’t have a good relationship, you might not want them choosing a potential mate for you.)

“I’d Love to Be Set-Up”
I know, it’s embarrassing to ask people to set you up.  But, it’s not as hard as it sounds.  The next time you’re at a get-together or party and someone asks if you’re seeing anyone, you can let them know you’re not, but that you’d love to be set up.  I know it’s hard to say that.  But, most people (especially women) love to play matchmaker.  They’ll immediately start thinking of their friend, cousin, coworker, etc. that could be right for you.   And if you don’t feel comfortable asking your guy friends for help, Andy Whaling, MFT suggests asking their girlfriends or wives.  (Sunday Night Singles 2001 – 2002).

Try Something New 
It’s always nerve wracking meeting someone for the first time.  And you may have some bad blind dates.  And there may be the occasional awesome blind date.  But, most of your blind dates will probably be somewhere in between.  And that’s okay.  That’s how you learn to date and consider men (or women) you wouldn’t normally choose.  And if the people you’ve chosen in the past haven’t worked out so good, it might not be a bad idea to try something new.

References:
Lewis, T., Amini, F., & Lannon, R. (2000). A General Theory of Love. New York: Random.

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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