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Getting Through Those Holidays

I hope you had a good thanksgiving.  And with Christmas right around the corner, I just wanted to share a few thoughts with you to hopefully make the holidays a little easier this year.

When Harry Met Sally is one of my favorite movies.  And one of my favorite lines is when Billy Crystal says: “Boy, the holidays are rough.  Every year, I just try to get from the day before Thanksgiving to the day after New Year’s.”

It can be tough for anyone to get through the holiday madness without a “meltdown” of one sort or another.  There’s all the extra shopping, expense, parties (or lack of parties).  And the holidays usually mean more time with your family. 

And if you’re single or feeling unsure about your relationship, the holidays can be even harder.

Sometimes, it can helps to give yourself (and others) a break:

  • “Damage Control” is what one of my friends once called it.  The only goal at this time is — “Don’t do anything to make things worse.”  If you’re seeing someone, a holiday may not be the best time to have that big “Where-are-we-going-in-this-relationship?” talk.  That’s definitely an important talk to have.  But, it rarely works to have an emotional discussion on an already loaded day.  (And if it doesn’t go well, it will forever be burned in your brain and associated with that holiday.)
  • If you’re single, remember to smile and  talk to those nice and interesting guys you’ll be meeting at those holiday parties.  And don’t forget to RUN AWAY from the this-never-works-out-but-it’s-really-hot-(and painful)-while-it-lasts kind of guys!  You may have chemistry with the hot guy.  But, if relationships with those guys haven’t worked in the past, there’s a good chance it won’t work this time either.  Remember, if you want a different kind of relationship, you might need to try meeting different kinds of guys.
  • And be prepared to dodge those pesky holiday questions.  Most people mean well.  But, that doesn’t make it any easier when they start in with, “So are you seeing anyone special?” “When are you gonna get married?” or “When are you gonna have a baby, you know your biological clock is ticking.”  Come up with some nice one-liners and change the subject or make a break for it, when family and friends start in.

It’s hard enough to always be asking yourself those questions.  But, you definitely don’t have to answer to anyone else!

So, here’s wishing you a great holiday — one that’s drama-free and maybe a little bit interesting (in a good way).

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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