Men and women really are different. And I always love learning more about how we can understand each other better.
A while back I attended a talk by Paul McWilliams, LCSW on the differences in male-female communication styles. And some of what he shared greatly surprised me.
One of his recommendations for women was to use “short speeches,” when you want your man to do something.
He said men can easily feel controlled or dominated. So, the worst thing you can do is ask him to do something and then stand over him and wait for him to do it… not gonna happen. It makes them feels too much like they did when their mother tried to get them to do things. And it brings up that independent/rebellious thing.
He said it’s better if you ask for what you want and then let him take care of it in his own time. That way he won’t feel controlled by you.
So he suggested, when you want to get a man to do what you want, you should…
- walk by him …
- mention it briefly …
- keep on going …
That way, he can do it, of his own accord, and in his own time, when he’s ready.
So, of course, I had to try this with my boyfriend.
One of his chores around the house was to take out the trash. So, the next time I noticed it needed to be emptied, I didn’t point it out over and over until he did it like usual.
I asked him to take out the trash once, and then I stopped asking (which was really hard for me).
Of course, I didn’t stop thinking about it, but I didn’t bring it up again.
And what I noticed was … when I stopped reminding him, he started reminding me … that he hadn’t forgotten about it.
In fact, he let me know several times that he hadn’t forgotten, and then later on, he took care of it.
So, maybe he didn’t do it right when I asked. But, he didn’t forget about it either.
And, I think this way felt better, for both of us. I didn’t have to keep track of him. And he knew that I trusted him to take care of it. And best of all, he couldn’t accuse me of “nagging.” (I hate that word.)
So it was a win-win for both of us.