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How to Spot Red Flags in Online Dating! Saturday, May 16

Are you dating online, but instead of meeting Mr. or Ms. Right you’re still getting Mr. or Ms. Wrong? Or are you thinking about online dating but you’re not sure how to screen out the wrong ones?

I hope you’ll join me to chat about how to spot red flags in online dating. We’ll also talk about how to avoid liars, cons and scams!

The key is — trusting your gut. If something seems off, it probably is. Remember, you don’t want a ton of “matches.” You want a few good ones. Think quality not quantity!

HOW TO SPOT RED FLAGS IN THEIR PROFILE:

Are They Ready for Love?
Are they talking about the “ex” anywhere in their profile? If they are, they aren’t ready to appreciate how great you are.

Are They Being Themself?
Do you get a sense of them? Or do they sound like everyone else?

Read Between the Lines
What messages are they sending with their profile name and description? Do they sound angry or impatient? Are they talking about money? Are they trying to be sexy?

Do They Have Good Boundaries?
Are they sharing too much? That’s a red flag.
Are they sharing too little? That’s a red flag. They may be hiding something.

What About Their Pics?
Does she have a ton of pics? Does he have a drink in his hand? Does she have on enough clothes? Does he have someone cut out of his pics? Is someone or something with them in all their pics? No pics? All red flags!

Remember Your Deal-Breakers
And stick to them.

OTHER RED FLAGS:

They Haven’t Read Your Profile
They’re just copying and pasting a generic message that says, I like your profile. Or worse, he’s sending a “wink” or a “meet me” which usually means he just liked the picture and hasn’t bothered to read anything more.

(Note: If a woman wants to send a wink or a “meet me” it can work. It’s her way of letting a man know she’s open to being contacted. It’s like smiling at him online. ;)

They’re Juggling Too Many People
If they can’t remember your basic information that usually means they’re juggling too many people. And they may not be serious about finding love.

They may not remember everything (especially men). But, they’ll remember the important stuff. And a good guy won’t get defensive if you let him know he’s forgotten something.

BEWARE OF LIARS, CONS AND SCAMS:

Don’t Fall in Love with a Fantasy
Just a few emails via the dating site. Then a quick call to set up the first date. No long conversations and no texting. Otherwise, all that sharing creates an illusion of who the other person is. And when you finally meet in-person, it can be a rude awakening.

Do They Misrepresent Themself?
Drivers License lies are okay. Men exaggerate their height like women lie about their weight. Any other “exaggerations” are NOT okay. You can always google them to see if they are who they claim to be. You can even google their picture.

Are They Too Good to be True?
Con men and scammers do exist. So keep your eyes and ears open. If it feels like this new person “gets” you like no one else ever has, remember — real relationships take time. And they may be intentionally saying things to make you feel that way. In other words — they’re lying. If anything feels off or weird, PAY ATTENTION!

And of course, if they ask you to send money that’s the biggest red flag of all. There may be excuses and crisis and long explanations for why they need the money. But, the general rule is — the more elaborate the story, the less likely that it’s true.

Be Smart and Stay Safe
Don’t share your identifying information — last name, email, address, where you work, etc. You can even use a google voice phone number or Vumber. And keep your social media private, especially if like to check-in or share your location.

When it’s time for a first date – meet in a public place, during the day, with lots of people around. And let a friend know where you’ll be, who you’ll be with and when you’ll be back.

How to Spot Red Flags in Online Dating!
Saturday, May 16
E.P. Foster Library
651 E. Main St., Ventura, CA
Cost: FREE

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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