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Your family affects who you choose and how you get along!

With Thanksgiving right around the corner, I thought this might be a good time to talk about our families.  We all know that they affect us.  But, sometimes, we don’t realize how much. 

And I’m not just talking about how your actual family affects you today.  Though thanksgiving and holidays do tend to bring all that family stuff up. 

What I’m really talking about is how growing up in your family affects you and your relationships … who you choose and how you get along. 

It can be simple things, like:

  • Maybe you were the oldest responsible one.  And you find yourself picking people that you have to take care of. 
  • Or maybe you were the youngest.  And you still feel like you have to answer to everyone else, instead of doing what feels right to you. 
  • Or maybe people in your family were really close and in everyone’s business.  So, you tend to like guys who give you some space.  But, then sometimes you wish they were closer.  
  • Or maybe people in your family sort of kept to themselves.  So, you’re not sure how to get close to someone.  And you don’t want to get hurt.

You get the picture.  It’s tricky.  Whether someone’s like your family or the exact opposite.  It can still bring up your family stuff. 

The key is learning what that stuff is.  Then you get to decide who you want to be in a relationship and what kind of relationship you really want. 

And then when your family stuff comes up (which it will, even in a good relationship), you’ll at least know why you’re so upset.  And that will help you get through things better.

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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