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Why Are Commitments Such A Big Deal? And Why Do Women And Men Approach Them So Differently?

Have you ever wondered why commitment is such a big deal for women? Or why we approach commitments so differently than men do.  Because it is. And we do.

Women and men bond differently.

As women, once you get physically intimate with him, you’re in. And it doesn’t have to just be sex. It can be kissing, even holding hands. The closer you get physically, the stronger the bonding. (Note this doesn’t apply to all women all the time. But, just to most women, most of the time. It’s nature’s way of slowing you down.

Because getting physical can have such big consequences for you… pregnancy, baby… you get the picture.) But, that also means for us, “where the body goes, the heart follows.” That’s also why it’s hard to leave, even when the relationship isn’t that great. Because once you’ve gotten physically close, you’re already attached, even if you don’t want to be.

Men, on the other hand, are more afraid of getting hurt. Sometimes, we don’t realize men are vulnerable, too (the good ones, anyway). And they don’t bond physically, like we do. They bond over time, as the relationship feels good to them. So, if it doesn’t feel good, they’d rather be alone. I actually think their way makes more sense, but I like being a girl.

So,what’s a girl to do?

  • Go slowly (especially in the physical area). I know I say this A LOT. But, if you get involved too quickly, it throws things off balance. You’ll feel needy. And then you may get a little clingy. And then he starts to worry that you’re getting a little “psycho.” And all this can really scare him A LOT.
  •  Have a life. Keep up with family and friends. And make time for your own hobbies and interests, even if they don’t include him. Remember, he’s not your whole life, just an important part of it.
  •  Get to know him, for who he really is. That way you can decide if you really want a commitment from him, or if it’s just the commitment you really want. Sometimes you can be so hungry for a relationship that you’re not really seeing him for who he really is. Remember hungry people make poor shoppers. (That’s why it’s good to fill yourself up with your own life as much as possible.) 

I know – easier said than done. But, the truth is you don’t want a relationship with just anyone. You want the guy who’s gonna be right for you! Because he’ll be able to love and appreciate you for who you really are!

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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