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My Top 5 Dating Tips for the Holidays (and all year long!)

How to date during the holidays1) Smile.*   Most good men won’t approach you without an opening. Smiling and making eye contact (even if just for a nano-second) will let him know you are open to being approached. It’s crazy, but if you do this, it will revolutionize your dating life. You’ll start meeting men EVERYWHERE! And if you don’t let men know you’re open to being approached, you could end up attracting the ones who don’t care whether or not you want to be approached. These are the guys who like the pursuit more than the actual relationship. And once you become interested, they will most likely lose interest.

2) Run away from your “type”! If this hasn’t worked for you in the past, there’s a good chance it won’t work this time. That doesn’t mean you can’t have passion. It just may not be there right from the start. Besides, initial chemistry just means he reminds you of your father or family at some level. That doesn’t mean you have to choose the guy you’d never have chemistry with. You may have initial chemistry with 10% of the men you meet. And there’s another 10% you’ll never have chemistry with. The 80% in the middle, that’s where you want to date.

3) The only goal of a first date is — Do I want a second date?* Not — Do I want to marry him? Does he want kids? Should I hyphenate? You get the picture. Take it really slow. Men can feel it if you’re sizing them up for marriage and it makes them really nervous. Remember to keep it light. Talk about hobbies, movies, fun stuff until you know him better. It takes time to develop a relationship. And speeding up the process may work in the movies, but it rarely works in real life.

4) Don’t have sex too early in the relationship. Women tend to bond with sex, and men usually don’t. That’s why having sex too early throws things off balance. Because you’ll want more closeness after sex and he won’t. This can make you clingy and needy, which will really scare him. But, if you take it slow in the physical area and wait till you’re exclusive and committed to each other, you’ll have a foundation in place. And you’ll really know him before you bond with him.

5) TRUST YOUR GUT! If something feels uncomfortable or weird, it probably is. Remember, when you’re dating, this is him on his best behavior!*  So, pay attention to how you feel when you’re with him and afterward. If you feel worse about yourself in any way, that’s a big red flag.

*Note:  When I was dating, I attended Andy Whaling’s Sunday Night Singles Group in Pasadena. I’ve incorporated some of what I learned from him into my dating tips. (Thank-you Andy!)

 

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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