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Finding Love This Year!

If one of your goals this year is to have someone special in your life.  And if your relationships aren’t working out… maybe it’s time to try something different.

Sometimes, it can be as simple as changing where you’re looking for love.

Andrew Whaling (formerly of Sunday Night Singles) talked about finding “your village.”

What he meant was, in “long-ago times,” when people lived in smaller towns and communities (villages), you knew a lot more about the people you were dating.  You probably knew their background, their family and what kind of person they were.

In other words, you knew whether or not they were a “quality person.”  There was also a good chance you’d have similar values.  Now, that we live in such a different world, you have to work hard to find a “quality person,” who wants the same things out of life that you do.

But, according to Andy, once you’ve found “your village,” in other words — “your people,” the hard part’s over.

Then, all you have to do is find someone fun that you’re attracted to.  And you’ve got the basis for a good relationship!

So, once you’ve identified who your people are, you just have to figure out where they are.  This might be different, depending on what’s important to you in a relationship.

“Your people” might be:

  • at your school or church
  • at the dog park
  • working on a political campaign.

But the point is — find the places with the people that share your values and then start looking!  :)

I know, this is sort of the reverse of how we usually do it — meet a guy (maybe in a bar) and then hope it turns into something real…

Now don’t get me wrong, if you just want fun, go for it.  But my experience is that the bar-guys don’t usually end up “fun” for very long and there’s usually a high price to pay for the “fun.”

The truth is, we usually know what we really want — and that’s someone good to share our life with.  But, sometimes, we’re afraid to go for it.  Or maybe we just aren’t sure how to get there from here.

Vonda (“Vondie”) Lozano, Ph.D., is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Hypnotherapist. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan, the Wall Street Journal and on KABC Talk Radio. Vondie offers hypnosis, counseling, and workshops in Ventura. Nearby cities include Camarillo, Ojai and Oxnard.

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