Marriage Counseling in Ventura, California
Helping couples go from the worst moment in their marriage to their best!
Is Your Marriage in Trouble?
- When you try to talk, does it turn into a fight?
- Are things getting worse instead of better?
- Do you worry your marriage might not survive?
I know how scary that feels. And I can help.
Why Marriages Struggle
Life today can be exhausting. Raising kids, working, dealing with finances, aging parents… it all takes so much energy. And when you add in unexpected things like illness, loss, or world events, it’s just too much.
Then you’re exhausted and overwhelmed, and there’s nothing left for your marriage. And it’s easy to take your frustration out on each other.
And most of us didn’t have perfect families growing up. So if you didn’t see your parents communicating and working out their differences, it makes it really hard for you to do that. You’re basically guessing at how to have a healthy relationship. Plus you’re dealing with a ton of stress. And if there was family dysfunction, trauma or abuse, you’re bringing your pain and emotional triggers into the marriage without even realizing it.
But, there’s still hope.
How Marriage Counseling Works
I’ve been helping married couples for over 30 years. And I’ve learned – when you understand what’s actually happening underneath all the fighting, things can really change.
This is how it usually works, one of you says something that’s a 2 on the annoying scale and the other person reacts like it’s a 10! That tells me it’s hitting something deeper – old wounds usually from childhood that need to be explored and healed.
I’ll ask, when have you felt this before? And everyone always says “he/she” does this to me all the time. And I ask again, when did you feel this growing up??? And then we gently explore what the current argument or situation is hitting, what vulnerable or painful place is getting hurt again. And as you experience those hard feelings together with love and support from me and your partner – two amazing things happen: 1) you begin to heal so you aren’t triggered so easily and 2) your partner develops compassion for what you’ve been through. And they NEVER want to make you feel that way again.
Then you’re no longer enemies with “every man for himself.” Now you have each other’s back!
That’s how we heal those old tender places together. That’s how “we don’t just heal relationships – we create relationships that heal.” (Sue Johnson, Emotion Focused Therapy)
And it REALLY works.
Together, we’ll look at the different dynamics making it hard for you to connect – your family-of-origin patterns, your personality differences, how men and women really are wired differently, plus whatever is happening that is unique to you and your situation.
It’s like we’re putting together the puzzle of what makes each of you – YOU! And the really tricky part is seeing how your individual puzzle pieces interlock – mostly for good, but sometimes for bad – like when you trigger each other.
But, when you heal those old wounds, you aren’t triggered so easily. And you start having compassion for what you’ve both been through. You develop a deep level of trust that comes from really knowing each other and wanting to protect each other.
Then you begin to enjoy each other again. You remember how much you like each other and you remember why you fell in love.
That’s the kind of marriage you deserve. And it’s not impossible. It’s actually pretty straightforward when you know what to do.
What’s Really Possible
Most couples who stick with the work go from the worst place in their marriage to being closer than when they first met. Why? Because they’ve addressed those underlying issues that were making it hard for them to connect. And deep down that’s what all that fighting is really about. You want to be close, but you aren’t sure if it’s safe. But, when you know your partner has your best interest at heart, you can work things out without it turning into a big fight. Because you trust that your partner really wants what’s best for you. And you want what’s best for them too.
You develop what’s called “Earned Secure Attachment” – a deep, responsive, loving, committed relationship. You function as a securely attached couple even if you didn’t have secure attachments growing up. Now you use your partner as your secure attachment – home base, your place of security. Then it’s “us against the world.” Because you’ve created an unbreakable bond that can withstand most anything.
Why Work with Me?
- Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist since 1991 – 30+ years experience
- Doctorate in Marriage and Family Studies – you can read my doctoral dissertation here, Married Women’s Voices and Moral Choices in Work and Family Roles
- Full-time Undergraduate Psychology Professor for 9 years in the Los Angeles area and taught graduate students becoming therapists for 7 years
- Authored relationship book and ebooks – including Finding Mr. Right and How to Let Go of the Past So You Can Get Started on Your Future
- Featured expert in the Wall Street Journal, Cosmopolitan, LA Parent Magazine, and KABC Talk Radio
- Presentations and workshops – 30+ years because I genuinely love helping you understand how relationships work
But here’s what really matters: I’m happily married (in a very good imperfect marriage). And I’ve done my own therapy, recovery, and marriage counseling too. A therapist can’t give what they don’t have. In other words – I can’t help you have a good loving secure attachment relationship if I don’t know how to do it myself.
But that’s what we do together. You learn to trust me and I help you heal yourselves and your relationship. With loving, honest support, you develop that “earned-secure attachment” that we’re all really looking for.
Ready to Save Your Marriage?
In-Person Marriage Counseling in Ventura
Free consultation: I’d love to chat with you for 10-15 minutes to find out how I can help.
Call me today. Why wait?
(805) 585-0838
My office: 260 Maple Court Suite 127 in Ventura (around the corner from the Pacific View Mall). I see couples Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays.
Serving Ventura County – including Ventura, Oxnard, Camarillo, and surrounding areas.
Marriage Counseling FAQs
1. How do I know if we need marriage counseling?
I always tell couples, “Better to come in for a tune up than wait till your engine falls out.” But I have to confess most people wait till the engine is about to fall out.
If you can’t talk about anything important without it turning into a fight, if things seem to be getting worse instead of better, if you’re wondering if your marriage is gonna make it, it’s time to reach out for help.
Having an objective third party who understands relationships can be invaluable in helping you figure out what’s going on and FIX it, before it’s too late.
2. What if we’re already talking about divorce?
You’re not alone – most of the couples I hear from are on the verge of splitting up. People usually wait until they’re feeling desperate.
The key question is – are you still fighting? If you are, that’s actually a good sign. It means you both still care. If you’ve stopped fighting, that’s a bad sign – it means one of you has already given up.
If you’re both still in it, there’s hope. But don’t wait.
3. Does marriage counseling really work?
I can say without complete confidence, ABSOLUTELY!
That’s why I love doing this work.
Of course, I can’t make 100% guarantees. And sometimes this means accessing other resources like 12-step programs, individual counseling, and/or medical help.
But if one of you hasn’t checked out yet, and you’re both ready to do the work and really look at yourselves and your marriage, together we can help you heal whatever has been getting in your way.
Then you can have that good, loving, fun, close relationship you’ve always wanted.
For more FAQs click HERE
If you’d like to have a good, loving relationship, I’d love to hear from you – Vondie